A few week ago, I spoke on The Power of Forgiveness at a Oneness conference in Tampa FL. The presentation was so powerful that several people came up to me afterwards to share their light bulb moments. One of them wanted to get together to talk about his experience and before I could think things through, I said sure - free of charge. I wanted to help, and I was feeling good about what I had just delivered, yet it still felt wrong basically saying, “I will coach you for free.”
Right after him, four other people wanted appointments. What I realized is that I was about to give away five free counseling sessions and receive nothing in return. The truth is, I love what I do so much that I would do it for free if I didn’t need to earn money. The fact is, what I know and how I use what I know to help others is my business. Its my intellectual property that at one time I hadn’t assigned any value. So I gave it away.
It took years of education, countless dollars spent, hours reading and absorbing information, hands on training and experience, non-paid service, and many mistakes and fumbles to finally form into a business I call The Heart Centered Institute. The first three years in business I gave so much away yet wondered why I was still broke. I worked all the time but I didn’t have much in the way of income to show for it. Sure, my clients loved me and thought I was the most caring and giving person, yet the energy was flowing only one way…
…out of me.
I felt tired, depleted and resentful.
I used to have trouble setting prices and charging for my services and products. I discounted everything. I also had trouble asking for payment after a session and sometimes even setting follow up appointments. Although I felt I was good at my profession, I had deep seeded issues about asking for things like rent money from my tenants or taxes on products.
What I uncovered through techniques that can now be found in my book,Unlimited - Break Free from Beliefs that Block Success and Happiness, was that, I was told as a child that it was rude to ask for things. While I was doing my clearing work, the following memory surfaced…
When I was a little girl, before my parents took us anywhere, especially to someone’s home, they would give us a stern warning and instruction on our behavior. We were expected to sit down and be quite. Only speak when spoken to. We were not allowed to ask for anything and if we were offered anything we’d have to say, “no thank you.”
When the memory surfaced, all I could say was wow, let me clear that fast. Once cleared I began to honor myself and what I provided to my clients. I began to value my expertise. Sure I am still loving and giving, yet the door or energy flows both ways these days. I happily accept and expect payment for my services.
When I was contacted by the people that wanted post conference appointments, I thanked them for their interest and told them that I was still available and eager to help, yet I could not do it for free. I explained to them why, then I offered a discounted price on the session if they still wanted to book with me. Since the theme of this particular conference was about oneness, I believed they would understand the concept of honoring thy self means to honor each other etc.
All but one person was agreeable. She insisted on the free session because it’s what I had initially offered. We went round several times on the subject until I finally said, I would love to work with you. It’s a flow of energy from me to you right? She said right. I then said, “What do you offer in return?”
An enormous silence filled the phone line. After a few seconds she said, “I will think about it and get back to you.” I said ok and left it there.
I haven’t heard from her since.
In the past, I would have given the free session, then beat myself up about it later. These days, I’m secure with who I am and the value of what I offer. I honor myself by not giving away the store and by actually bringing in money to support myself and family. I also honor others in their business. I pay my bills on time because I expect to be paid on time. I give what I expect to receive. This is the flow of energy.
This is a lesson that I learned from being in business that has extended into every aspect of my life. Honor thyself even if you have to apologize for backing out of a commitment that doesn’t feel right. Anything else will bread resentment and contempt. No one wants to live like that.
For more information on how to set boundaries and honor yourself, contact me for a life coaching or hypnotherapy session. You’ll see how your life will change in the most positive, beautiful way. I can be reached at 210-504-5992 or at firstname.lastname@example.org
Love and light
Dee Woolridge, CIHt, CLC
P.S. Click the link below and sign up for my summer coaching program called Summer Session Accelerator. Fill your mental, emotional and spiritual basket of tips and techniques to help you live happy and fulfilled. The limited time price is AMAZING! Check in out.